i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
