we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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