he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
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We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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