I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
