benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
