What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
