i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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