Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
