The maid of honor just puked.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
