Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
