The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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