I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
