so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
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I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
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this hospital has no fireball
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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