lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
