Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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