The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
