Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
