I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
