My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My vagina is officially offended.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
