Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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