In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize