I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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