I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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