Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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