I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
