just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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