hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
