My cat gives me a boner
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
