I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
