just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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