I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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