Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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