I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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