Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
