Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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