Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
