I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
