U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
