Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
