May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
