Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
