we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
