I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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