ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
