last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
