haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
