she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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