I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
