are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
