You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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