I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
