do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
