when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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