my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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