So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
