So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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