Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
