i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
