i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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