Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
