I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
