Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
