Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
