my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
