Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
