So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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