Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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