I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
