Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
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Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
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Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.