the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
