I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
